But We Still Fight Against Change Regardless
by Artemis Ignitan
Summary: Even when it was almost over, he wanted to keep fighting. But he had forgotten to be careful about what he wished for...AU!drabbles. Second companionfic with w nymph's "The Lost Friend". Sequel to "To Fight Against Change is Futile". Martyr!verse.


**(A/N): This is the fourth series of drabbles started in _One Small Change_ and its two sequels, _Consequences of Change_ and _To Fight Against Change is Futile_. Both this fic and it's predecessor are companionfics with _w nymph_'s newly published _The Lost Friend_.**

**Warnings: It's Martyr!verse. Which means: keep those tissues and/or shirtsleeves ready.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own 5D's nor it's characters. Only Martyr!Verse is mine (and I expect Icey's owning half of it by now with the progress she's making. I don't mind. Hahahaha.)**

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But We Still Struggle Against Change Regardless

Yuusei didn't understand what had happened.

He remembered...the execution duel. And he remembered collapsing...but everything had been hazy after that, a blur of color and sound.

His body felt heavy, he couldn't move unless he put in a great amount of effort. But lying here was so...warm...and it felt...light, and he wondered idly how it was able to carry him. Even turning his head to see his surroundings felt troublesome and pointless to the usually careful and observant teen.

Even his thoughts felt heavy and stagnant. It was a long time before his mind could jump from the feeling of heaviness to another realization: everything was a shade of white, or near-white, or some color that wasn't white but blended in quite well, like grey or silver. It was even longer before he could draw a conclusion about this strange lack of color.

...Was he...dead...?

...Of course he would be. The execution duel's purpose was, well, execution. He shouldn't have been so surprised...

...so this was death. It didn't seem...that...bad...

"...Sonny?"

That voice seemed to echo somewhat in this white emptiness. It was enough to make the effort to turn his head towards it, enough to make him speak for the first time and disrupt the calm, the very whiteness that seemed to ripple at any disturbance.

"Ya...na...gi...?" Even his words felt heavy and clumsy. It was as if the whiteness was restricting everything to a bare minimum, keeping everything inside him as silent and immoblile as possible, preventing him from thinking coherently or quickly.

The old man and the burly duelist next to him were splotches of color...disturbances in the scheme of white. They didn't belong...they were much too alive. "W...wha..."

"You're in the clinic, kid," Himuro answered, understanding the question despite it being incomplete. The clinic...? So he wasn't...

"How...how are you feeling, sonny?"

It was a long time before Yuusei could form a coherent train of thought that would answer the question. His thoughts simply refused to arrange themselves. The words came out clumsily, feeling heavy on his tounge and rolling out like concrete blocks.

"...e'vry...thing's...heavy...'m...tired..." Even those disjointed words took too much effort to say...he wanted to...sleep...

And at that, Yanagi and Himuro exchanged worried glances.

"Ushio better hurry up and get here, then," Himuro murmured, quietly enough that he thought Yuusei wouldn't hear.

But he did.

"U...shi-"

"He went out to fetch someone for ya, sonny," Yanagi hurriedly explained, so as to keep Yuusei from exerting himself. "Your wish, remember?"

Yuusei couldn't remember wishing for anything after collapsing. Everything had been spinning and fading...

"Wi..sh?"

"Those friends of yours that you mentioned, kid," Himuro answered. "You whispered their names before you passed out. Jack, Crow, and Kiryuu. You remember...don't you?"

It took a while before that answer was processed by his muddy brain. But when it was, it felt like all sensation was suddenly returned to him, so much so that it felt like his body was lying on pins and needles. He felt feverish and restless.

"...I..wanted..."

"We know, sonny. Just...hold on until they get here...don't exert yourself..."

As if he could. His mind was still muddled, but now it was for completely different reasons. Now his mind felt overwhelmed by the activity that was suddenly rushing through it. He had...wished...he had let himself be weak enough to utter a selfish wish...

His senses had become alert again-he could feel the cold plastic mask resting on his face, surrounding his mouth and nose, and it was blasting something that felt cool and refreshing down his throat...air...and he could feel the warm sheets, thicker than anything he had ever slept in, and it was comfortable and soft and he almost felt that he could fall apart and melt into them, except he couldn't, because he had to hold himself together, couldn't be weak again.  
He couldn't help but fear that his one moment of weakness was all that it took to make everything go wrong...

-----

Yuusei's thoughts continued to follow a steady, but disjointed, path.

All he could coherently realize was that he was going to see his friends again.

He honestly didn't know what he felt about that. He was...he was delighted, yes, but...he was disgusted with himself for wanting what he didn't deserve.

And...he was...scared...worried that seeing them again would...make him...hate them...seeing them alive, and healthy, and together...without him.

_But I...intended for them to go without...me...to leave me...behind..._

...That's what I wanted...

...right?

He didn't know anymore...

When Ushio came in, telling him that they were here, and if he was ready for them, Yuusei hesitated.

"...one at a time. Bring them...one at a time. And...Kiryuu...he..."

"He what?" Was it just him, or was there resentment in Ushio's voice...? No, it couldn't be...

"...bring him in...last..."

"...Alright."

After Ushio had left, Yuusei questioned himself. Why had he wanted Kiryuu to come last...?

...it was because he didn't want to hate him...he couldn't...didn't want...to blame him. Seeing him might...he might hurt...Kiryuu...

...or...was he scared of something else? Was he scared of himself...? Scared of what he would do?

All he knew was...he was scared of the reuninon between himself and the leader of Team Satisfaction. He just didn't know whether he was scared of him...or scared for him...

He put those thoughts on hold as Crow came into the room, looking subdued and much unlike his usual cheery self.

-----

Yuusei was appalled at what Crow had told him.

Had the team really...broken up? Had they really cut their bonds with each other? Those bonds that had once been indestructible, invincible, able to break through anything?

Jack had left them all, permenantly? He was never able to set his anger against the event aside? No...Jack had always been an impulsive person, but...

And Kiryuu was...still revenge-bent? He hadn't learned?

"...W..why, Crow?" And despite the tiredness in his voice, his despair still showed, by the way it cracked softly and quietly when he asked, by the way his eyes seemed to dim, by the way his hand above the covers gripped them with feeble strength. "Didn't...you..."

"We tried, Yuusei. We tried. But we couldn't make him see reason. Not even your sacrifice could..."

_**How selfish...isn't he? Willing to give up a close friend to continue believing what he thinks is right...**_

You heard your friend. Your sacrifice isn't enough. He's here. Tell him. Show him your hatred. And then he will understand...

Yuusei winced softy, but coud do nothing else to stop the voice. Everything was just too heavy...it all weighed down on him. And the voice continued to echo on, it boomed loudly across the endless white space, made everything ripple. Crow was sure to notice it, Yuusei rationalized. Surely he would. And then he would realize that something was very wrong, and become verbal, and begin to worry...he didn't want...

He looked blearily at his friend.

Crow said nothing, only looked back with a tired expression that matched Yuusei's own.

-----

Yuusei still couldn't find in himself the strength to confront Kiryuu.

He kept trying to relax his body, trying to return to that state of complete and utter heaviness, where nothing could move him, trying to will Death to take him.

But it seemed that at the time he was ready to give up, Death grinned and drew away the hand teasingly, saying **_"No, not yet, not yet. You wished to wait until your time came. Now I honor your request."_** And as a result, Yuusei only got more feverish, more worried, more frightened.

When Kiryuu came into the room, Yuusei couldn't look at him at first. He was too frightened. He was afraid that he would hurt him, hate him...

But he couldn't be frighened...he still had a message to give. As long as he brought Kiryuu the message...it would all be fine...he had to tell him. He needed to tell him.

Yuusei turned his head slowly. His eyes kept blurring, and Kiryuu kept fading in and out of focus. He was mouthing something...but it felt muted, dim.

"Kiryuu..." His voice came out breathy and tired, softer than it had ever been before, and he cringed slightly-he hadn't expected himself to sound so...hatefully weak.

He could see in the brief moments of clarity...Kiryuu was alive, and well, albiet paler...but...he could see the anger in his brother's eyes. He didn't know if it was aimed at him, or the rest of his brothers, or Security, but the point remained: he wasn't supposed to feel that anger any more. That destructive hatred that led him to take the life of another...that had driven Crow and Jack away, that led to himself getting caught...it was stil there. Kiryuu was still clinging onto it. Still selfishly clinging on...

"Kiryuu...remember...that time...before all this? When we were all...together..."

Yuusei kept his eye facing straight up, not wanting to see Kiryuu's face any longer. If he did...if he did...

"Was...that was...that was a lie, wasn't it?"

What...this wasn't what he wanted to say. But now his jumbled thoughts were once again rigid, refusing to move or change. They were stuck, the vengeance and hatred now forefront, falling out into the concrete blocks that rolled off his tounge once more. Only this time, they came out rapidly, without stopping, as if the dam blocking them had burst. They kept coming out, and he couldn't stop them, couldn't...

"You didn't...believe in...changing Satellite, did you...? You didn't...believe in...the good you said we were doing..."

He couldn't look...He was sure that Kiryuu was suffering now. Because he was showing his anger. And...he felt disgusted that he was feeling a small amount of joy in this.

"You...only said this to draw people in...didn't you...? To fuflil your selfish desires...you didn't want to be lonely anymore...isn't that...right..."

He hated this. How he was saying all these hurtful things as if they were fact.

"Kiryuu...you didn't need to...you did that...hurt us...drove us away...because you selfishly fed us lies to keep us close. You didn't need..."

And at this, Yuusei visibly relaxed, allowing himself to focus on Kiryuu's blured form. He saying what he wanted to say now. What he had wanted to say for such a long time...

"...you...didn't...need to do that...Kiryuu...we would have...stayed. You're...our...na...ka...ma..."

Yuusei felt something tugging at his unconsciousness, bursting into the forefront of his mind. It had ambushed him when he had allowed himself to believe that everything was safe. But it came...he couldn't stop it. Everyting was pressing down on him...

"...why didn't you...under...stand? Kiryuu...were...you that...sel...fish...? Did you really...ignore...everything...so you could...keep believing in your selfish thoughts..."

Yuusei shivered, making his next words shaky, sounding as if he was holding back tears...

"...you...are you...willfully...ignoring this too...?"

Yuusei took a deep, shuddering breath. He felt it coming...those words he didn't want to acknowledge. He coudln't stop them from coming...because they were...truth...but...he could...with what he had left...mask it...even the tiniest fraction...just so it wouldn't hurt less...please...

"I...I...I want...to...hate you...so...much..."

As soon as those hateful words left his mouth, he sought eye contact with Kiryuu. Because a surge of disgust, and regret had welled up, along with a sort of deep dark satisfaction that he didn't want to recognize...he wanted to see Kiryuu's reaction...he didn't want to see...

Everything was blurred...he was sure Kiryuu was asking him a question...did he really...hate him...?

But all the noise became muted and dim, the sounds meshing together into a blur, and he felt something grab him, clench his soul tightly.

_No..._

**It is time.  
**  
No...it can't...no...can't end like...this...not this...

**I have you now.**

Can't...can't go yet... 

And in some corner of his mind, he had a feeling that the voice had set this up for him, some how. Wanted to drag him into the darkness screaming and crying, to make its hold over him triumphant and certian...but he didn't care now. Not now. He needed to say one last thing...

"K-Kiryuu...please...promise...please..."

His breath was coming out in short gasps, choking over air, choking over blood, all of a sudden the pain was coming back, his mind spinning out of control, incoherent...

"Please...build your bonds again...please...try to...understand...please..."

He could see the darkness encroaching over his vision, it spread from the corners, and he tried desperately to focus on Kiryuu, the blurry mess that was the only splotch of color in the white world, tried to make sense of it...

"Don't...don't leave yourself....alone...again...pro...mise...me..."

His cold hand sought out Kiryuu's warm one, and for the briefest moment, their fingertips touched, his trying to grasp the other's in a silent pact. He had to...he had to get this out...before...

"Ki...ry...uu..."

And suddenly, the darkness had hold of him, everything was absolute blackness, he couldn't see white, nor color, couldn't feel his cold or Kiryuu's warmth.

He had never heard Kiryuu's answer.

---FIN--- 

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**(A/N): You might have noticed that Kiryuu has absolutely no dialouge, nor introspection in the final scene. Why did I leave him out? Well, I figured I'd let Icey handle his dialouge. She has a much better insight than I do into Kiryuu's mindset. So, I challenged her to include in her companionfic the same scene from Kiryuu's POV, with nothing coming from Yuusei. And I must say she performed quite well. So go read her companionfic! Remember, she's _w nymph_ here on FFNet! The story is _The Lost Friend_!**

**Reviews? Crit?**


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